Strike Three! You're OUT!
We are done. I am done. I am dying.
5 IVF's.
1 twin- ectopic/blighted
1-healthy baby boy
1-chemical
2 negatives.
Ya think it would get easier. It doesn't at all. I have so much respect for people that can go through this over and over and over. How do you keep your heart from breaking into millions of pieces?
I am so happy I have J. So very, very lucky. My body has destroyed the other 12 possibilities for a sibling. For a child for us, made of us. I am now 43. So what if I have "young" ovaries? What has that got to do with success? What does anything have to do with it? Why is this all such a damn cap shoot. Why does it cost so much damn money for something that's not guaranteed?
We will be paying for these last 3 tries for a long long time. Every check I write to the clinic is going to tear me apart.
I am so angry and upset. I am never ever ever going to be pregnant again. To feel a baby grow, to even have a chance to enjoy being pregnant. To have a brother or sister for J to play with.
Who decides who wins this lottery? Why is it so freaking unfair. Why, why why.
To all continuing on, I wish you all the very best and will keep up with all I can.
We are done. I am done. I am dying.
5 IVF's.
1 twin- ectopic/blighted
1-healthy baby boy
1-chemical
2 negatives.
Ya think it would get easier. It doesn't at all. I have so much respect for people that can go through this over and over and over. How do you keep your heart from breaking into millions of pieces?
I am so happy I have J. So very, very lucky. My body has destroyed the other 12 possibilities for a sibling. For a child for us, made of us. I am now 43. So what if I have "young" ovaries? What has that got to do with success? What does anything have to do with it? Why is this all such a damn cap shoot. Why does it cost so much damn money for something that's not guaranteed?
We will be paying for these last 3 tries for a long long time. Every check I write to the clinic is going to tear me apart.
I am so angry and upset. I am never ever ever going to be pregnant again. To feel a baby grow, to even have a chance to enjoy being pregnant. To have a brother or sister for J to play with.
Who decides who wins this lottery? Why is it so freaking unfair. Why, why why.
To all continuing on, I wish you all the very best and will keep up with all I can.
posted by Jo | 4:04 PM
3 Comments:
I am so very, very sorry.
I am so sorry that you heart is breaking. I can't imagine the sorrow you have felt so many times. It is enough to damage anyones spirit. I pray that your heart finds it's way to healing in it's own time.
Sending you a hug!
I am SO SORRY! This is horrible. Geez, I don't even know what to say.
This is truly a crap shoot. I will read back on your blog to make myself more familiar.
Thanks for coming to visit my blog - you are truly a wonderful person if you can continue to offer words of encouragement when you have been through so much.
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